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Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 04:49 pm
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Rain, rain go away. Now I know what the chicken feels like in chicken soup. Yuck!
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Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 10:03 am
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Waiting for The Dark Knight to start. In IMAX. I'm so excited!
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Jul. 19th, 2008 @ 09:00 pm
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Ready to roam & shoot tonight. Meeting with some friends to do just that!
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Jul. 19th, 2008 @ 10:50 am
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Ah, Denny's. I love b-fast in the late morning.
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Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 09:34 pm
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Ok, I couldn't listen to the whiny emo kid any more. Off to Java's for a cigar.
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Getting things set up around the web. Woohoo!
Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 07:24 pm
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| » How time flies! |
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Seriously, it's been nearly a year?
So much has happened in that time. I don't even feel like the same person that last posted here. In a lot of ways I'm not. I've lost some people who were very important to me. Some permanently, others just in status. The person who last posted here, was damaged in ways that I don't wish on anyone. The days preceding the post were a blur of anger and sadness. Mix in a LOT of alcohol and you have yourself one fucked up cocktail!
The last 10 months have been a whirlwind, too much to spew across these few pages. The last month has been sliding by and I find myself using more web tools to relate my status. Probably because of my friend Larry. He's started a blog. I don't know why, he's just that way. But that pulled me back in to twitter and pownce. Now I'm checking out ping.fm to post to all of these services at once, hence my test post.
Anyway, I hope this is the impetus to more regular communication and getting together with friends here in Rochester more often than has been the case.
Peace.
Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 06:42 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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test from ping.fm
Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 04:57 pm
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| » Safford pano 02 mono |
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Sep. 15th, 2007 @ 12:41 am
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| » eclipse 20070828-01 |
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Aug. 28th, 2007 @ 06:49 am
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| » Lightning storm |
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Should I be sitting out here? In the rain, under a flagpole eating my soggy fries and cold burger.
The rain comes down in waves, starting and stopping. The lightning crowds the sky. It looks like a firework display on a cloudy Fourth of July. The inside of the clouds light up and fade as another volley takes over another part of the sky. There is no thunder, which is creepy. Only the eerie silence broken by a light breeze rustling rain out of the trees. The park lamps throw only small pools of light, the oppressive night envelopes the rest of the sidewalk.
I can see someone moving from pool to pool, a jogger. Or perhaps one of those creepy men who inhabit the park after dark. Usually you see them sitting in their cars, hunched down low behind the wheel, waiting. Every once in a while, they venture out into the night, but not for long. They search, but don't find what they crave. And they're gone.
Above me the flag drifts lazily in the limp breeze. No motivation, no reason to hurry. In the night, no one can see that you are not snapping in the wind. The only sound around me is the thumping of the flag rope on the pole. The lightning becomes more pronounced, I can see defined bolts now instead of a ghostly flash from up above. The rain gets heavier, too. I feel like Prospero pulling the storm closer, ever closer. With this hand I bring forth the wind, lightning do my bidding.
But in the end, I know that it is all beyond me. To my left I see the moon breaking through the clouds, but the lightning still fills the sky to my right. I'm drenched now, rain coat open to the elements and yet it brings no relief. It only further serves to dampen my spirits. The moon burns its way through the clouds. Try as they might, the clouds cannot provide enough cover to stop it.
As the storm moves away, I can hear the sounds of the night. And once again I am swallowed up by her embrace.
Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 12:18 am
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| » skyline sunset |
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Aug. 18th, 2007 @ 03:54 pm
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| » The Soundtrack of My Life Right Now |
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"Walk On The Ocean" by Toad The Wet Sprocket
"Life Less Ordinary" by Carbon Leaf
"Two Of Us" by Aimee Mann And Michael Penn
"crazy little thing called love" by Queen
"Don't Cha [Feat. Busta Rhymes]" by Pussycat Dolls
"Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by JET
"Favorite Friend" by Snow Patrol
"The Last Time" by Gnarls Barkley
"Freaky Girl" by Shaggy
"Nasty Naughty Boy" by Christina Aguilera
"Did I Ever Tell You" by Nick Lachey
"Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer
"Ordinary People" by John Legend
"You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse
"If Lovin' You Is Wrong" by Faithless
"You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol
"Some thing's Always Wrong" by Toad The Wet Sprocket
"You're My Best Friend" by Queen
"Thank You" by Dido
"Come What May" by Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman
"Golden Slumbers" by Ben Folds
Jun. 18th, 2007 @ 07:00 pm
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| » Failure |
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Does anyone else remember when you realized that your life wouldn't turn out like you planned? Do you remember the moment in your life where you formed the thought in your mind? Felt disappointment bite into your flesh with cold jagged teeth? Do you remember succumbing to the weight of it, the form of it, the stifling heat of it?
I do.
I remember that moment when I realized that I was a prisoner of that disappointment, it's hostage. For 5 years I was a hostage. Every waking moment a scathing rebuke of all that had come before. I remember standing in a hallway, late for Chem and wondering why my feet would not go forward.
In general, people of my socio-economic status were the ones to feel this more than others. We saw it as a way out, the light at the end of the tunnel. But in true Murphy's fashion, what could go wrong, did. Instead of being captured and sold into servitude, we willingly marched into the slaughter. Like lambs.
I still remember that hallway, the smell, the color of the walls, even the scent of eucalyptus in the air. I remember the conversations; snippets of life going on around me. And all the while, I stood drowning in fact that I would never see my dreams come true. I would see, instead, 5 years of darkness.
Jun. 4th, 2007 @ 11:49 pm
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| » Pirates! |
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Jun. 4th, 2007 @ 11:38 pm
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| » Jeopardy! in High Definition |
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Is it my imagination or is the concept of Jeopardy! in HD just the most ridiculous thing in the world?
I'm sorry, but what are we doing with technology? What exec actually thought that this was a good idea? What are we trying to accomplish with this technological feat? Are we looking for even more silver hair on Alex T's head? Can someone please tell me what advantage Jeopardy! would have in HD? Would the written answers on the board look clearer? Would this allow contestants to chime in faster? Or come up with the question sooner? Would we be able to then read every twitch on the contestants face during Final Jeopardy! Could we better empathize with the poor sod who missed the chance to win because he forgot to form his response as a question?
Come on, folks. Where are we going with this?
Jun. 4th, 2007 @ 10:57 pm
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| » 5/25/07 - Towel Day |
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Many of my coworkers think that I've finally cracked, bringing a towel to work. Although, I keep a towel at work, so what's the difference?
Now my day is over and I sit here with a La Gloria Cubana and a cup of Ethiopian in the courtyard. The band is inside doing what I can only describe as blasphemy to their instruments. Even outside is not far enough from the assault. Luckily, they are finishing up. I don't know that I could have stayed if they weren't.
The sky threatens to congeal and bring us rain, but for now I can see the moon through the haze. Looking at me with a lazy eye, it's cat eye, it reminds me of so many summer nights spent in the open.
The sky here can be clear and bright in places, but nothing like the nights that I saw in the desert. Those nights were spectacular! I remember standing under a canvas of stars; standing so still that I could feel the earth move under my feet. I would watch the constellations dance in the heavens. I remember the sun dipping below the horizon and revealing a new world every night. I remember the same sun rising again to slowly wipe that world away, like a Tibetan mandala. Like a sand dune in the swift desert wind. Ever present, yet ever changing.
My La Gloria is bitter, but the acrid smoke fills my mouth with satisfaction. The warm night envelopes me and surrounds me with smoke. Playing across my vision and wafting up to the moon.
How many nights did we spend looking at the stars? Wondering who was looking down upon us? How many nights turned to day while we pondered such questions? How many people wandering through the desert night, looked right at us invisible in the blackness of the night and thought us only moon shadows or tricks of their imagination?
Once, when I thought you weren't looking, I studied you in the dark. Starlight framing your face. I remember the crook in your nose and the way that your mouth turned down when you said, "Out There". The way you danced in the night. With no care, no shame.
I remember the first cigar that I had one starry winter night. Not the cigar itself, but the new experience of it. The cigar was horrible, but the night was magic.
I miss that innocence . That simplicity, when a nudge was a sign of affection and sleeping under the stars was the pinnacle of the weekend.
How far I've fallen. I wonder if you would even recognize me if we passed on the street today? I know that I would recognize you. I can still see your bright eyes, so full of life...
Mmm, a cool breeze distracts me for a moment, smelling of campfire and sleeping bags. Again, the moon gets my attention, hanging heavily from the invisible string that mounts it to the sky. As much as I love the full moon, I am reminded that it is beautiful in every phase.
I'm reminded, too, that life has phases.
Brian just sits down and told me of his time in rehab, struggling with his addiction. We discuss Caravaggio and Salvador Dali. He sees my camera and we talk of going beyond our training. Having a solid foundation in a particular discipline, but imposing yourself into the art. This is how we move beyond mimicry and shift to creativity. He tells me of his father, who has stood by him, no matter how many times he failed. His father who sits with him in his room; holding him, loving him the only way he knows how.
I commend him on his strength and fortitude to deal with his demons. He waves it aside, but I see the pain and craving in his eyes. I tell him we all have our issues. I tell him that there are a great many of us who use the pleasure to quell the pain of life. To numb it, displace it. Eventually, we don't know which pain we are numbing and fall into the trap. I've been there. I remember emerging from the dream, the nightmare.
He asks for a light and backs away at the sight of my torch lighter. Tells me how he burned the tip of his nose once with that type of lighter. Now he's gone.
The clouds have obscured my view. I sit alone on the courtyard, watching the dying light of the fire. I hear soft music, probably in my head.
The night is still again, waiting for the action that never comes. As I walk along empty streets, I can find nothing to photograph. My eyes blinded by my emptiness. The world around me has no color, no depth. The night is fading. Black turns gray. Indigo to slate. Time passes and I don't know where it has gone. The rain that threatened the night is gone, never materialized. I walk, no destination, no goal. Only to hear the wind and see the moon.
I hear the cries of the night, voices long since silenced. I remember my own unanswered cries. Still.
It's too late to be up. It's too early to sleep. Home waits for me. I see the bed that waits for me. Safe. Home. Empty.
May. 26th, 2007 @ 12:17 pm
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| » in the box |
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May. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:03 pm
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| » matt_k02 |
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May. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
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jsotelo64's journal
